DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS

“Do I look fat in this dress?” are words that most men dread hearing. Many years ago my mate Kev complained that his girlfriend Shirley would ask this very question and disaster was always a brief reply away. Before I became an enlightened relationship guru my advice to Kev was simple, insensitive and to the point: ‘Just get a thinner girlfriend!’. As a straight thinking accountant Kev appreciated the logic at the time but we both knew that the deeper solution rested beyond our grasp.

Fast forward to 2008 and poor Kev is now married to Shirley and two kids later he’s having to face the same question but on a more regular basis. Although after 8 years of marriage Kev expressed a readiness to adopt my earlier solution, I instead offer the wisdom of the famous psychiatrist Irving Yalom. ‘just tell the truth’ Irving professed. So Kev told the truth and Kev’s fair and dispassionate accounting appraisal to Shirley was ‘This is an example where excessive assets have been redistributed to the less needy geographic areas’.

Several days later Kev pops around to have a chat about my advice.

So I tell Kev, “The truth is still the way to go”. A startled look flickers over Kev’s eyes and his hand absently strokes his cheek. Undeterred I plough on. “Find the true purpose of the question and express the truth so as to assist Shirley's wellbeing.”

Kev’s eyebrows knit further.

“Now Kev, you have a set of scales and a full length mirror?”

He nods

“Is Shirley really in need of an objective assessment”

He shakes his head

“So when she asks ‘Am I fat?’ she is really asking ‘Do you find me attractive?’ – This is the true purpose of the question.”

He smiles.

“So answer the true question with the truth that assists the person to move forward.”

He frowns.

“Don’t focus on the failure but on what helps. The muffin top in the jeans is failure and the red dress looks good. So for example… you look stunning in the red dress – all they guys at the dance will lust after you.”

Kev smiles, “You can lie a bit then.”

I nod.

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